Written by:
Kasey Taylor
Email: Cameronkaseytaylor@gmail.com
Twitter: twitter.com/kasey_taylor
Alright folks, welcome back. We are getting down to the wire now. This week we have our last men’s JUNGLE before the final three teams are set for the final challenge. I’ve been watching this series for a while and I think we can expect a “To Be Continued…” this week at the end of the episode. They will build up the drama and then make us wait a week before seeing the conclusion. If I had to guess from the previews seen so far I would say it has something to do with CT freaking out on everyone.
As far as the ladies are concerned, it is a two horse race between the team of Cara Maria and Laurel versus Paula and Ev. Jenn and Mandi really don’t have a realistic shot. They’ve performed well on this season, but they just aren’t built for the long final challenge. Laurel and Ev cancel each other out, but Paula’s physical weakness is matched by Cara Maria’s mental weakness. Either of these teams could win.
Secondly, I see Johnny Bananas is suing Entourage for using his nickname. This is the height of ridiculousness. Hopefully Johnny won’t sue me for not using the Bananas nickname on these recaps and using his new nickname Johnny Backpacks. I don’t have any money, so it won’t be that profitable. On that note, let’s get to this week’s recap…
-Ok, so there are 3 episodes left. I guess they have to justify the time they will be in Argentina. We are definitely going to get a “To Be Continued…” sometime soon. I always hated when GI Joe and Transformers did that back in the day. I thought you should know that.
-I’ve never seen so many people excited about going somewhere in my life. Is it really that much better than Costa Rica? This is like an idiot riot. Some people are paranoid about changing locations. I’m guessing that these people have some trouble coming up. FORESHADOWING!
-So in honor of leaving, the remaining combatants have a toga party. I think they could make a porn tape of all the cutting room floor footage. I’m very uncomfortable watching all of this whipping with bamboo, drinking, and making out. I don’t even know what’s going on. I’m going to wind up like Lloyd Christmas in a bathroom stall sucking my thumb.
-Mike is getting beat around by a bunch of other guys in the house. Mike has hit the final level. He is more done than Sammi from Jersey Shore. He has cussed out everyone in the room. He is shouting at the top of his lungs trying to get his point across. As a former nerd I can tell you that this just makes your tormentors laugh more. The only solution is physical violence. I don’t care what adults say.
-Is Mike leaving the show? Oh, he just decided to move into the room with Wes and CT. Now he is yelling at Leroy. Mike wants Leroy to stand up for him. Leroy is the nerd whisperer. He has calmed down Mike from killing someone. If Mike had a weapon he definitely would have used it on Johnny or Tyler. But not CT, cause that would have been a crushed and eaten skull.
-I just made a joke about CT but in the interest of my skull I deleted it.
-Paula is excited for the elevator. It’s the little things. I got excited about my marshmallow fluff sandwich tonight so I guess I shouldn’t be talking.
-Laurel is mad at CT. That won’t last long. He is going to win her over. He has that sly charm that makes all women on this show fall for him. Diem fell for it too. And over this little cup of joe it looks like the love connection is reigniting. Laurel just gave CT the “come hither” eyes.
-There is drunken debauchery taking place right now. Everyone is dressed nice, taking clothes off, wrestling, hitting each other, throwing mattresses, laughing, and drinking some more. The breaking point is coming close. Either I’ve been watching these shows too much or the music is telling me something is about to happen.
-Wes and Cara Maria are about to get into it. Wes just dumped a bottle all over Cara Maria. Now Paula is standing up for Wes. I don’t understand, she usually hates Wes. CT tells Cara Maria what a bully Wes is. Laurel is standing up for her. Glad to see someone is. I enjoy someone yelling at Wes. I’d like to wipe that smarmy smirk right off his face. Prick.
-Cara Maria is crying. Is she mad because her white sheet got dirty or because Wes was making fun of her? She has the same streaks going down her face like Adam Sandler’s keyboard player in The Wedding Singer. Did I just date myself with that reference or since that movie is on TBS 175 times a week everyone knows what I’m talking about?
-Laurel is chasing after Wes for dissing her partner. Tyler is trying to stop her and move her away from the piano. I thought that was funny, like it was his piano or something. Wes is laughing at her. Kenny is trying to calm her down. Johnny just threw a full bottle of water at her. That was mature. HHH used to do that for WWF, he should sue Johnny. Paula is talking trash. Laurel turns her attention to Paula and rails on her for every insecurity and problem she has ever had. That was amazing.
