Written by:
Kasey Taylor
Email: Cameronkaseytaylor@gmail.com
Twitter: twitter.com/kasey_taylor
So welcome back to the Rivals recap. This week we have what I believe is the final women’s JUNGLE. Laurel and Cara Maria along with Paula and Ev have to be seen as the frontrunners. Jonna and Jasmine are going into the JUNGLE this week unless they win the challenge. Mandi and Jenn are probably also going to have to go into the JUNGLE as well if they don’t win tonight’s challenge. So basically these two teams are playing for third place.
On the men’s side of things all the guys are hanging on to uneasy alliances with the exception of Johnny Backpacks and Tyler as well as Leroy and Mike. Kenny seemed to get his mojo back last week so now he and Wes are looking to pick up $2k this week while they don’t have to worry about the JUNGLE. And as always, CT and Adam are continuing to walk on thick ice as long as they win, but it could get really warm soon the minute Adam screws something up. With that, on to the recap…
-Paula is asking whether or not she should sleep with Mike. I think enough drinks will help make that decision for her. Everyone is trying to get Mike laid. They set up a resort within the resort for the two lovebirds. This is sweet. An old maid and a young kid like Mike. I’m guessing that girl Mike met in Vegas didn’t work out. And judging by all this laughing with so few words I guess you could say Mike used half of one of Tyler’s magnum condoms.
-Wes and Mandi are hooking up. I feel sorry for Mandi. If you ever want to puke, just watch Wes makeout with anyone. And if Mandi’s the most down to earth person in the house does that mean Wes is the smartest?
-Laurel and CT are flirting and getting to know each other. Johnny Backpacks is saying this relationship is going to ruin their alliance. Hey Johnny, it won’t matter because this guy is beating all of you guys. Did you already forget about Cutthroat? Just because CT is having fun doesn’t mean it’s going to cost you the game. You need to do your part and eliminate him.
-CT is making a good point. The guy wants to get laid, he is too dumb to let this influence the show. Should I delete that before CT reads that and considers crushing my skull and eating it? Or should I add some extra sentences so he might skim over it and not see it. Let CT do what he does. He isn’t trying to switch votes, he’s trying to get some action. Think that’ll be enough?
-Wes and Kenny are already working on the order. But considering the implications of this last challenge it makes sense. If you win you are in. It looks like Jenn and Mandi are going to go last as a favor since they put Kenny and Wes last in the last challenge. Why do I have a feeling that this conversation is not going to go well…
-Yup, it just got ugly. Cara Maria just called out Jenn for hooking up with the “enemy.” Jenn doesn’t like to be called out for her stuff. This is going to be ugly later on as we can see from the preview. I like Cara Maria standing up and choosing to go second so Paula and Ev can go third. I also like her calling a spade a spade about Jenn.
-I think TJ has loads of cue cards with pronunciations for these locations. He looks like it’s taking a bit too long sometimes. I have to admit it is pretty funny.
-They have totally thrown off Kenny and Wes’s strategy. Order won’t matter, it matters who is on who’s team. So we have two teams and they look pretty evenly matched. But with CT, Laurel, and Cara Maria on a team, they look pretty formidable. But they do have to go first.
-This just looks awful. There is a reason why they use these fire hoses on riot control. I can’t think of something I’d like to do less than be hanging and getting shot at with a fire hose. I don’t know why those kids on Stanley Spadowski’s show wanted to drink from the firehose so bad. That’s right…I dropped a UHF reference on you.
-I have a feeling that this first team is not going to win. It sucks to go first and it may mean that Jenn and Mandi have to go to the JUNGLE. But Laurel and Cara Maria are going to have to go back to the JUNGLE. They don’t finish in time and they are for sure going to the JUNGLE now.
-I’d pay $25 to switch places with Kenny right now. I’d love to soak Wes and watch him squirm around. I’d probably only go for the head. Just try to soak his face the entire time. Or go for his nuts. Try to ruin his next night with Mandi.
-Johnny Backpacks is sharing his winning strategy with the rest of his team. This is going to be helpful so none of them have to go to the JUNGLE. More and more Johnny and Tyler are looking like the men’s team to beat. They aren’t arguing, they are both good athletes, and they have the brains. My money is on those two right now.
-I think Kenny wants to keep messing with Wes. I think I would do the same thing. But now we’re getting down to the nitty gritty and they may not win this challenge. Not that it would matter considering it is a women’s JUNGLE tonight. But I’m sure they want to be on the winning team.
-Wes finally falls down almost last minute. Now the five pound feather Jasmine has only a few minutes to go down and does go down right before the end. Laurel and Cara Maria are going into the JUNGLE. Paula is finally going into a final that she has a chance of winning.
-Johnny and Tyler are up to $6k for this business trip. Now the question is who will face off against Laurel and Cara Maria. My money is on the rooks Jonna and Jasmine. If that’s the case then it should be a cakewalk. Laurel is feeling sad and unsupported. Kenny being a man and backing her up.
-I like how Cara Maria is calling out Jenn for not ever going into the JUNGLE. Jenn is looking pissed. But hey, Cara Maria has a point Jenn, you skate by on all these challenges and never have to stand up for yourself. I’d like to see you finally have to do it for once. In Fresh Meat 2 she never had to face an elimination and went to the final. In Cutthroat the exact same thing happened and she went to the final. But the fact remains she has yet to win a challenge. She’s just like Paula.
-Jonna and Jasmine are interested in getting some votes to save themselves from having to go to the JUNGLE. CT and Laurel are getting into it a little. CT is doing Laurel no favors and trying to keep her around. It looks like either a) the sex with Laurel wasn’t all that or b) CT is pissed that the alliance won’t let him get any. I’m going to guess b because it didn’t like those two had a chance to hook up. Hard hitting analysis here folks.
-Tyler isn’t letting Jenn and Mandi go to this JUNGLE. Mandi is pissed and cursing out Cara Maria. She did bring this on herself a bit. Jenn does not like her hypocrisy and shadiness called out. If it were, then she might actually have to fight for her survival a little. She isn’t a great player physically, but socially she is amazing.
-It is deliberation time. Barring a miracle, Jonna and Jasmine are going into the JUNGLE. Jenn is trying to get some stuff stirred up, but she’s avoiding the elimination once again and will finish last and out of the money once again. Jonna and Jasmine are the team picked to try and take out Cara Maria and Laurel.
-Now for some drunken partying at the club. Jenn is teasing Adam hard. Poor bastard. He will have some serious blue balls. She says he has some spell on her, but I think that spell is either booze or a roofie. Wes and Mandi are talking about moves or something. I just hope this is some game where Mandi leaves Wes crying in the arms of Nehemiah. Cara Maria is sulking about missing Abram and sitting by herself.
-I can barely finish that last paragraph because I’m laughing too much from Kenny Maria and the dreads. This is why I love this man. Seriously dude, sell me your shirt please? We can donate the proceeds to charity or to your bar tab…you tell me.
-Johnny Backpacks is talking to Cara Maria and she is upset that the double standard exists whereby Jenn can sleep with Adam and not get punished for it, but Laurel flirts with CT and she gets excommunicated. Jenn catches wind of what is being said (or a producer tells her) and then she is ready to kill someone. Does she have anger issues or a drinking problem? Or both?
-Cara Maria is making fun of the situation and Jenn is freaking out. I think Jenn just punched her ticket home. I think I saw a slap. This is someone you want to bring home to your mom right Adam? Now CT is drunk and doing drunk CT things. He is trying to hurt feelings which could be why he is 30 and still single. This could be bad. I can only hope so. I want to see a skull crushing tonight!
-So I guess Jenn is going to get the free pass for that love tap. But it looks like the game is inside Cara Maria’s head and it may be the edge the other team needs. Jenn is still yelling the next morning. Is she still drunk? Or is this just her main attitude about life? Call me crazy, but I wouldn’t want to be with Jenn for very long. How do you know she won’t get all of her friends to ditch you and join her side in an argument? Tell me that wouldn’t happen.
-Cara Maria is calling Abram for support. I am surprised that they are still dating. Abram calling these other people scumbags is the pot calling the kettle black. But he has given her a sufficient pep talk and now Cara Maria is coming out to face Jenn. I like where her head is at.
-So it’s looking like Jenn and Cara Maria are going to be on a team in Rivals 2. I’m sorry, I enjoy someone calling Jenn out on her sh*t. She is being a total bully on this challenge. She does just enough to survive till the final and then craps the bed. Whenever someone has the guts to call her out on it, she goes into bully mode. That’s how she got pissed at Mandi in the first place. But, I have a feeling Cara Maria might actually channel this energy into the JUNGLE.
-Everyone in the house is against Laurel and Cara Maria. All that matters is who is on your side in the JUNGLE. They are doing the shoving challenge. Considering that Jonna and Jasmine weigh a combined 113 pounds, this one should be all Laurel and Cara Maria. And no, I’m not counting Jonna’s hair in her weight total.
-Laurel tells it like it is. All these people wearing blue are color blind. Jasmine and Jonna are wearing purple shirts. Then the producers choose to put them in blue jerseys anyway for continuity. Good job…that could have been confusing.
-I have a feeling this will be highly anti-climactic. Laurel and Cara Maria are just too big. Jonna and Jasmine have some spunk, but it’s just not going to happen. No matter what the producers tell these people to say in their interviews, they aren’t getting it done. Laurel and Cara Maria are pushing them all over that circle.
-Leroy is still on this show? I hardly ever see him talk. Thanks for letting me know.
-Jonna and Jasmine are going home. They have nothing to be ashamed of. They played a good match. They might not be that effective in future challenges, but at least they made some friends. Jonna and Jasmine are apparently friends again now. And watch out, because the 75 pound ball of fury will be back she says. And probably the first one to go home in an elimination.
-We find out that the remaining players are leaving Costa Rica and headed to Argentina. Apparently the visas have run out. CT is talking about the debauchery he is going to get into. More STDs to go after and it is exciting.
-We get a danger montage as the show wraps up. There is a lot of yelling at each other next week and I for one cannot wait. See you next week.
Kasey
